Flamingo Day!

Happy Flamingo Day! You haven’t heard of Flamingo Day, you say? Have you been living with your head underwater? I’m kidding. It’s a made up holiday that a small handful of my friends and I (collectively known as “the Posse”) have been celebrating since we were in high school. I’m not going to tell you where it came from, but it has become a day of cheer and celebration.

There are so many bogus holidays anymore that there probably is another “National Flamingo Day” on some calendar somewhere. In fact, a quick Google search suggests that it might be April 26, May 29, or June 23, but I assure you that May 19 is the true Flamingo Day. (And why are all these bogus holidays “National?” What nation? Presumably the US, but we don’t know. They aren’t federally sanctioned. It’s just a day where the internet–reaching far beyond any national borders, mind you–decides to share its enthusiasm for a random thing like pancakes or middle children or dogs. They’re all lovely things, but do they need their own day, sponsored by an unnamed and presumably unreal government? Of course not. Celebrate them every day. But I digress. This parenthetical has gotten out of hand, much like made up holidays.)

The best way to celebrate Flamingo Day is to leave a surprise flamingo in your friend’s lawn. It’s best if the friend receiving the flamingo doesn’t know or has forgotten about Flamingo Day, as Flamingo Day is best enjoyed with a heavy dose of confusion. Live flamingos, of course, inspire the most confusion, but unless you can deliver one of these with no risk to the bird, I recommend a plastic lawn flamingo. Another way to infuse confusion in the day is the standard answer for “What is Flamingo Day?” That answer is anything along the lines of “I dunno, man, just a day to eat bird-shaped cookies or wear flamingo socks or stand on one leg or whatever. Shut up and have a pink margarita.”

Flamingo Day deserves more recognition, so I’m sharing it with you. Share it with your friends, use it to confuse your enemies. Bask in the joy of ridiculous tropical birds, especially if you live in a climate that does not support such birds. I guess if you live somewhere that has flamingoes all the time, and you’re tired of the pink guys, you could celebrate Albatross Day instead, which is where you take a break from being fun and tropical and feel sad for everyone who has to experience cold, bleak winter. It’s not nearly as good of a holiday, if I’m being honest. Better just stick with Flamingo Day.